Friday 29 November 2013

I am in Zwischen

Tomorrow I will be 40 weeks pregnant, I am waiting for my baby.  This is my fourth child and I am a doula so I know that the numbers mean nothing.  Some months ago I came across this article and it definitely sums up where I am right now and have been for a couple of weeks.

Zwischen is a German word which means between and the midwife author of the article uses it to describe the place a woman enters at the end of pregnancy.  A place where she is waiting, waiting to transition from pregnant to mother.

It is not an easy place, I can attest to that.  A week ago I asked some other women on Facebook whether they recognised feeling almost pre-menstrual in these last days.  I was so snappy and grumpy with my family with no obvious cause for around two days, I kept melting into a weepy puddle and then on the third day a sudden wave of calm arrived and I have been there ever since.

Don't get me wrong, in many ways I will be glad when the pregnancy is done, I so look forward to getting to know the new soul my husband and I have created, and look forward to being able to sleep (ha!) in a position that doesn't involve a mountain of pillows under every limb, but, this is a precious time too.  We plan this to be our last child.  This is the last time I will be cradling a life in my body.  The last time I will feel a small foot in my ribs and hiccups in my belly.

Every day now the school mothers look at me with sympathy and come out with all the cliches.  I nod and smile, but inside remind myself that me and my baby are in Zwischen, a precious, spiritual time that only we can share and know, and that may not last very much longer.

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